To Trina Wolf and others. If you want to get your son back (and improve your life), show the court you are not an abusive, narcissistic parent.
It is not an attempt to get you. It is an attempt to help you.
It is hard to understand. I can explain it.
Avoidance, Repression, Denial, Suppression.
“The tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all human mental illness.”
– M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
There is even more. Displacement, Projection, Reaction Formation, Regression, Rationalization, Sublimation.
It is a word you hear a lot. Today we’re going to learn what it means, where it comes from, and what its negative affects are.
OMG, antinarcissism? Victim mentality. Poisonous pedagogy. Narcissistic selfobject mirroring. I’ve opened a can of worms.
So first I am going to digress:
According to Kohut, maternal misrecognition amounts to a failure to perform the narcissistic selfobject functions of “mirroring”…the cause of a narcissistic disturbance.
Boy that is hard to understand. But at least we’re getting into real psychology. I know Ferenczi, Kohut, and Horney. They are renowned psychologists who wrote and practiced it. Alice Miller–I never really studied child abuse–I was not familiar with until yesterday. Poisonous pedagogy does not sound like a fun topic. These people are taking into account gender (i.e., mother vs. father, son vs. daughter).
What it means is the parent is not paying attention to the identity and originality of the child. (Louise Turpin!) That is a/the source of narcissism. You are not acting like me. You are not paying attention to me!
Therefore I am going to pay more attention to me. And I am going to continue it with the people I encounter and especially in the children I raise. They are deficits in empathy and mirroring. An “intergenerational cycle of narcissistic abuse.”
Codependency could be an escape. Perhaps not a real one. Probably not a real one.
In Miller’s view, when abused for the sake of adults’ needs, children could develop an amazing ability to perceive and respond intuitively, that is, unconsciously, to this need of the mother, or of both parents, for him to take on the role that had unconsciously been assigned to him.
Remember Scott Peterson, he of the murdered pregnant wife and narcissist supreme? One of his traits was “a powerful antenna” in mirroring his abusive parents.
Then there’s Bobby Fischer, the chess champion. “Nothing is as important as a human touch” (aka “the most traumatizing experience of all is the absence of emotional giving from a mother or father.”)
I could add (NAME REDACTED) and the “unconscious craving for the dead-end justice of revenge.” (No “underhanded public humiliation” here!)
Finally there is M. Scott Peck. I had no idea The Road Less Traveled dealt with a narcissistic mother. This is major, major stuff. (My grandfather, my mother’s father, recommended it long ago. I was arrogant and eschewed pop psychology. I was wrong.)
It also makes sense–absolutely fascinating–that psychoanalysis may not really help, and it could conflict with, narcissism.
Heart Cameron and, I believe, Tim Wulf, Evergreen Parks & Recreation District.
https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipM8BDiX17mLODbwEfkjDX5isjH9TYdtGAcO7ZOq
https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipPEuM8Hd0SMiPihi5MOKgD1ouQy2ZIHMF-tBN-h
https://photos.google.com/photo/AF1QipPZn4iVmP_idNvvxGUyiY6B6jk8gdRUkYWLsy_d
How is crime learned? This is certainly one way. Ever since I moved here 20 years ago I have struggled with the idea of raising kids here.
Confirmation bias, also called confirmatory bias or myside bias, is the tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms one’s preexisting beliefs or hypotheses.
That makes sense. I don’t think it applies to supreme court decisions. It sure takes a big ego to apply it that way. And it is pretty sad to lose your child because you have “confirmation bias.”
That’s just a sad story. And again, it is all those other people who are affected, the next generation, and others too.
You cannot rationalize with an alcoholic, or people with a similar disposition. It is hard to say where that comes from. They’re kind of like followers in a cult like NXIVM. It is not going stop until someone busts it up. There are no winners. Everyone is crippled, perhaps for life.
In this particular case, and NXIVM, and many others too, education is an issue. In the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ and Latter-Day Saints wives have something like a 6th grade education, all of it through the church. I think it becomes almost like a phobia and self-fulfilling prophecy. I don’t understand so I can’t understand. Anyone can get an education if they want to or they can just read (books) and learn, but instead they turn to “my side bias” (and Psychology Today).
Who says there are “sides” anyway? I guess those who win or lose in court, or marriage, or a baseball game. Is that therapy? We–therapist and patient–we have to get over the sides.
I think you have to have a malleable personality to be in a cult. If you don’t, you will rebel. You could say that about society in general and marriage too. You will provide your own confirmation bias.
And that gets back to narcissism. Only the leader can be a narcissist. And don’t forget bully, expressly confident but scared to death at the same time. “Communication” means me.
The cult, the sides, –we versus them–but Psychology Today says we’re right. That is really sad. But I guess now we’re talking about deprogramming and what is the opposite of programming? Deprogramming, and that sounds even worse.
I know this person. She has a deep-seated inability to connect with anyone unless it is her way and about her or “me” She says “we” but what comes out is “me.” Personal responsibility, and a lack of avoidance and secrets? There is none if it is a cult.
Anyway. Time for some serious legal work. But remember, keep it simple. Board is notified; next up are Shrader, Leibe, et. al.
The noise has stopped enough so I can think and write.
sleepprayplaylove
Kathy Russell is known for her ability to travel great distances. There is no joy in this at all.
Interesting that the feds charged the group with a state crime.
Don’t be like Keith, but there are some things we have learned.
1. Frank Parlato is a pig. It is not OK to make a living, retirement, or reclusion out of bashing your enemies. Most of it is on the verge of vulgar. Still, is worth keeping in touch for the sometimes-impressive journalism.
Next, it is fun to read the court documents. See the logic. Is it convincing? You can almost tell from the documents alone who is going to win.
The trial is Oct. 1 and it promises to be a doozy.
c) The isolated women (and men) stand out, but right now I am thinking about cults. At first I eschewed it–Rick Ross and the cult institute and all these people writing and studying it. Bizarre rituals are one thing that is identified with cults, and let’s just put that aside. Let’s put aside the whole notion of cults and crazy people too.
Brainwashed is not a good word either.
Can a person be taught, trained, even institutionalized? Definitely. A family (e.g., parents) can be a brainwashing influence. Just about any group or individual can be brainwashing. A company, such as eBay, can be brainwashing, especially if you work there.
There are definite signs and symptoms. Limiting contact with outsiders, strong leader, secrecy, and smashing outsiders and disbelievers are just a few. You can study it because there are many examples and it has been going on for centuries. Then there are those times when it turns criminal and if you wanted to you could mimic the convicts and criminals. If you were inclined toward crime (Raniere) you could learn it that way.
It is worthwhile to know a little bit about it to reverse engineer it, to learn how, where, and why it is happening in your life. Then you can choose. That way you can decide.
Today we are listening to Seance because we wore out our copy (the headphones and batteries) with Heyday. We already know Starfish is a masterpiece.
Tantalized has replaced Tangled Up In Blue as my favorite song.
This was uncharacteristic in that it shows honorable motives. The axe is sharp and runs deep.
Notice the word holdings with a “s”. He is a wealthy man and his three websites alone have turned into nice properties (unlike the failed Buffalo aquarium), not to mention Key West real estate at least until the next hurricane. He is a hard worker, although as many of the commenters point out to some of the wild “stories” no one else will even acknowledge they’ve read, the writing is awful. Sometimes he…, well he is the publisher. I bet it totals up to a lot more than a year of effort. He brags about the web hits; a musician he is not. Every day there is something–today it was a stomach-turning, visual smorgasbord of prison food. Yes, there is definitely an axe to grind. He doesn’t like Keith Raniere.
He looks like an exhumed Nazi. That wasn’t nice. He does not look healthy or particularly happy. He still has his own case looming and from a quick review it is mostly about tax evasion–forming companies and moving money around to avoid it–and his defense looks iffy too. In the meantime he is hellbent on showing everyone else is a liar. Is that a defense? No. There was a superseding indictment so they’re still after him.
His journalism is addicting. Now he is on Youtube. He has long been a source to the British tabloids. He is quoted on Wiki and I think even in some DOJ documents. I believe the media empire is basically Frank (aka, Mr. Report) and the one woman who acts as editor in chief. I guess I don’t know because I use adblockers, but I don’t see any ads. I don’t know exactly how he is profiting from his fame.
Proofreading is foreign. Long instances of failed imagery are common. Sentences? Who needs them. Maybe it helps that the feds are looking over his shoulder, because the information is accurate. It may not be described the way you would expect, but it is correct.
He has a bit of a network–people willing to photograph anything in the Clifton Park, NY area and others who will write about it, send emails, or comment on the site. But you can see, in the video, that he does a lot of it himself with a laptop and cellphone.
As for the condo, the owner is probably still responsible if there is a lot of kidnapping and raping going on there. I don’t remember if it was this one or another similar post on FrankReport. And it wasn’t even about the gov’t’s rebuttal, it was the bail request in the first place. Not that they submitted it because most people should not have to sit in jail without being convicted, but that it was so stupid: Who is going to pay for it? Such a request is not the place to beef about the morality police. The part about the expired visa, who cares; one year anniversary, ditto. Family man? Barf. Trying to contact the wrong U.S. attorney because you know you are going to be arrested means nothing. The whole thing–again, one has to try–is a joke. It is reminiscent of the Warren Jeffs’ approach, i.e., ranting with no defense at all.
The posts that day and the comments were almost a celebration. Raniere, you are toast. He has been caught plus he is exposed as lying and covering-up about it and, regardless what he says now, fleeing to escape.
The scientologists tried to do it on a boat.
The prosecutor’s response says something to the effect of ‘a lot of this is so far in left field we’re not even going to respond to it.’ So, beyond the happiness that NXIVM and its leader is past history, there was a general euphoria. It is weird to see people cheering for the Eastern District of New York. Look how dumb and corrupt the lawyers are too; in terms of documents, I could have written a better essay. Money can only buy so much. It was feel-good, enrichment, self-empowerment: I, as a blogger, commenter, or “correspondent” can do just as well. I too can tell right from wrong and I can do something about it.
Mr. Report, even with impure motives and a huge desire to clear himself, set the example.
Time may tell that there are happy campers in the group, Raniere/the document reads. True, perhaps, but there are very angry ones too and they are witnesses. Irrelevant. You are not going to win. You probably will be denied bail. The texts, just the few we have seen so far, show eager women anxious to understand and follow. Add in underage, Mexican, fearful, ignorant, and you can fill in just about every adjective similar to “follower” you like. It is not a fair fight, Rainere, and you are down and going deeper. The only real suspense for him is when. When will he give up? How many texts and witnesses will be enough?
Who else, how and why? We have been told repeatedly there is more to come. It is harder than with legitimate companies and leaders. In those organizations failed individuals may have a legitimate defense and there is a very good chance they will come clean; there are successors and for the good of employees, customers, investors, etc. the business or the enterprise must go on. So far from NXIVM the denials have been lies. Other participants, such as Clare Bronfman, Nancy Salzman, or Allison Mack before she was arrested, have not come forward to lead the company or the defense. How can they because the focus is on what else? Get out in front of the scandal just isn’t a viable strategy.
A&E “Cults” is out too. It is mostly old news but the actors (Ms. Edmondson et. al) are always getting better at telling their stories. Mark Vicente confessed to making the videos. Now, he said, he looks back at them and there is nothing there. Take away the hype and there is nothing there. Raniere himself looks like a bad character actor. His voice is not soothing or inspirational in any way. His torso looks… misshapen.
He/they say he was in Mexico because of all the pressure and people taking his picture. That would be Frank Parlato. He is pretty savvy. He came up with the arrest picture in Mexico AND the video of the chasing women. I believe the tabloids pay for such things.
“Tremendous pressure to recruit others,” Frank Art Parlato Voice says. That of course is what made it different and for a while successful: pyramid marketing, and there could only be one person at the top of it, the great Vanguard.
***
OK, multi-level marketing. But there is almost nothing more effective than one-on-one sales. They are lost, lonely, or mixed-up people, but the motivation was money.
Clare Bronfman is probably going down because of the money trail. Nancy Salzman too, because it is awfully hard to explain $500K in cash.
Salzman and Raniere had a bond and that was certainly at the heart of both the promise of self-empowerment and whatever members were seeking. That bond was based on neurolinguistics and hypnosis; Salzman is a therapist/coo and Raniere is a scam artist. Neurolinguistics is “the branch of linguistics dealing with the relationship between language and the structure and functioning of the brain.” Interesting… Linguistics is a subdiscipline of anthropology. Not to argue. Obviously such a study is legitimate and the brain controls everything. Hypnosis is, to cut and paste, “Hypnosis is a state of human consciousness involving focused attention and reduced peripheral awareness and an enhanced capacity to respond to suggestion …” The dots are not mine.
Ms. Salzman is not a licensed therapist and her secrets, and exactly why she is a successful counselor, are not clear. She is an in-demand and well-paid private therapist. One has to assume that the rest of the time she and her daughters have been Ranierie’s gophers, but she has an ability to make people feel at ease if not (somewhat) healed. Among the many tidbits that ArtVoice and FrankReport have spewed-out, people, e.g., the Bronfman sisters, pay big money for Salzman’s time.
The bond that Salzman and Raniere shared was manipulating people. For Nancy Salzman it was closer to therapy, for Raniere it was clearcut crime. It actually is a good idea. There is a huge market for self-help. Wealthy Mexicans appearing to learn from wise Americans appears to be a fertile niche. Why not tie it in with a lifetime of studying and carrying-out cons?
Swiped from Frank it is a bizarre look into the business. Salzman does not look particularly fit or perfect, as she usually does. The woman in the center is one of Raniere’s longest-tenured groupies. On the far right is the Harvard-educated son of the former Mexican president. Salzman is on the left. Next to her is Mark Vicente, the video producer. Third from the right is Clare Bronfman.
Most people do not go around worshiping other people, calling them by pompous, childish titles, or submitting to wearing items that distinguish them by group or class. The same thing applies to nondisclosure, lawsuits if you leave, 24/7 communications, and other peculiarities that are legal but easily stretched into illegal. It is not a business. It certainly is not science or education. This is where it becomes a cult.
Even Warren Jeffs cracked in prison and admitted he is a complete fraud. Raniere should do the same. Now.
Maybe it is time to revisit Reddit (apparently Raniere and his cronies did). It has links to the academicians who first studied NXIVM materials when they were released about ten years ago and they declared it to be bunk and dangerous. The professors or psychologists were sued by NXIVM and Raniere. The link relates a little of the history of the lawsuits–Vanity Fair and others–and once again points out that they have all been unsuccessful. Once Raniere tried a second time; I learned what dismissed with prejudice means. A recent comment on ArtVoice mentions the statutes that now go further and outlaws such lawsuits (SLAPP laws); the post again brings up Barbara Bouchey, who was sued 14 times and had to declare bankruptcy.
Why isn’t Frank happier? I’m getting tired of reading it. NXIVM is shut down and it is just vindictive. Save your own skin some other way, please. Or, just say this is fun, this blogging, networking, and making new friends. Friends without NXIVM.
He is just lashing into Clare Bronfman nonstop. U.S. attorneys have said repeatedly more is to come. For now Bronfman looks horrible because of the lawsuits and propping-up of NXIVM and Raniere does not come out without money and she is the one providing it. It is not OK to invest in a business and person such as this. Apparently, she is likely to be indicted. She too should just come clean. Salzman also because after you are sentenced to prison it is too late.
Remember, Keith, your legacy will be who have you hurt.
Let’s talk about Harvey Weinstein.
No, Keith Raniere. He must know the word “cult” well. He is a studious guy and Nxvim was no accident. Jeffs’ life blew up some ten years ago and for Raniere it was a similar plan in action.
Elissa Wall and Rebecca Musser are women who broke free. They sound exactly like Lucia Evans (Weinstein). They are both extraordinary women and simply women who have grown up too. Now they are successful, independent, and also attractive women.
A lot of #me too is about women.
These men went to prison because of individual cases brought by tenacious victims. Just like with Raniere, for Jeffs the charges (conspiracy to commit underage sex) are just an introduction to the overall harm done. They even appear as odd charges given the crimes and damage. Everyone and each separate story is what makes these criminals so fascinating. Call it justice if you will but there is a happy ending: it is over.
Banking on Heaven, I still cannot find it. Damned to Heaven popped-up and was excruciating and informative. Dateline, fairly recently, is excellent; Prophet’s Pray is very good. The Lifetime movie (Tony Goldwyn) was fun but very misleading. Mike Watkiss has talent: “Mr. Jeffs, are you ready for prison?” It makes me want to read Under the Banner of Heaven.
Then I watched Putin’s War on Frontline.
One learning is that it is very much like organized crime. Both rely on trusted lieutenants, family, and strict codes of silence. They engage in crime conspiracies in that they know it is illegal yet they do it anyway. They go to extraordinary lengths to plan, execute, and cover-up.
They are both cases where people in some organizations worked to bring them down. Any charge–Utah and Arizona gave way to Texas to put Jeffs away–that will remove the leader is a start and the immediate goal.
FLDS and NXIVM are similar–Weinstein too, for that matter–in that they get at this thing of, do I feel sorry for the victims? “Justice” aside, I can never lose track of the focus and that is the victims. Ten thousand, 8,000, or more–that is the FLDS member estimate–is a pretty small number for a city but it is a large number of crime victims. Now, Short Creek, right on the border between Utah and Arizona, may turn into more of a refugee camp or social project than anything else. Worshiping a man in prison cannot go on indefinitely.
It is pretty property but the fences, and particularly the walls, ruin it. The houses and mobile homes where many of the wives and children live look like slums. A high percentage are on welfare. It is like opioid addiction without the opioids.
Oh yes, cults. Another learning is that a family can be a cult. We want you to be an alcoholic. Exercise and education are bad. Obedience are respect are good. That is a cult too.
***
Warren Jeffs is the person who turned the FLDS church into a criminal conspiracy.
The Lawyers for EDNY, in their counterpoints to the request for bail, tear apart the case law cited and make Keith’s lawyers look like a team of third stringers who graduated at the bottom of their law school class. Seriously, were they even trying?. But hey, they don’t care because its all billable to Clare.
I can forgive the snafu on Allison Mack’s rented condo.